29 Mar I Got Married to a Fool
I fear marriage. I fear commitment… or no those are not really the problem. The problem is that I fear that I will end up with a complete idiot. Although I know I shouldn’t be afraid of that because I have a father who is faithful and aggressive about delivering me (I cant tell you how many times he has literally dragged me out of some shitty situations) yet I fear. This brings me to what I will write about today.
So I was on my own o! just examining the word when suddenly one nice story began to make sense. I then found myself wondering how the diva in 1 Samuel 25 ended up in that hell hole of a marriage. God forbid! I probably would have killed him myself!(LOL) but she did. let’s look at a few things.
Dude was a Fool: Now Nabal was a fool but very rich and he had this woman who was extremely beautiful and smart as can be. The interesting thing about this description was that although the story mentions how wealthy he was, it didn’t fail to explain that he was foolish. The foolishness must have been so much that not even money could forgive it. Now I understand why they say money can’t buy class. Big shame. Anyway, so the question is, what in the name of God would make a woman like Abigail who was so beautiful and intelligent end up with a good for nothing? It’s funny, right? You would think that her intelligence would help her when it was time to choose a man but nooooo as all matters of the heart, the head stopped working and so she chose Nabal. But wait! She could also have been blinded by his wealth. She was a beautiful woman who just wanted to have her needs catered to. She couldn’t be bothered. She just wanted access to the very best of life. Slaves at her disposal, money at the snap of her fingers, nails and hair done when she wanted, and so it felt like a good idea. I bet she would have said ‘I don’t have to see him na. I’ll be traveling as much as I want and doing what I like. I can cope’ So she closed her eyes to the fool that he was, the fool that everyone knew that he was including herself and proceeded to marry him.
This is very often what many good even godly women do today. We just close our eyes and trade value for something temporary. We trade godly virtues for good feelings and think they don’t matter. Many years into the journey we begin to realize that they do. We are very often attracted to the wrong individuals who have perhaps one or two things we have put on our list of must-haves and then we convince ourselves that they are good to go and that we are probably overdoing it and should maybe just cut the men some slack. So we drop the real standards we have and end up with the pain of living with a rich fool or a disrespectful rich fool and end up each time with the exhausting task of cleaning their mess or making pointless excuses for them as a result of their foolishness. When you marry a fool as a princess that you are, you become unequally yoked (2 Corinthians 6:14). Both of you are far apart on spiritual terms, intellectual capacity, and just on every level. You are just two different people. Boy! I hope for all the headaches that follow, the money or attributes that we so stubbornly hold on to as our reasons are worth it.
The Foolishness was the Public Sort: Now the annoying part about this Nabal dude was that his foolishness was obvious (verse 14-17). Everyone KNEW. Everyone knows you are on fire for God in church yet they also know that your husband or boyfriend or fiance has no regard for God or is just immoral and flat out stupid. They pity you. It gets to the point where in their small talks and gossip circles they wish you had someone better. Isn’t that odd? You become the object of pity. They wish you’d open your eyes and see the loser he is and just ditch him(for the single) but you refuse to see it. Not like you can’t see. You have just decided not to notice. Sometimes, some people are bold enough to tell you. Your family, friends, well-meaning church members or acquaintances but what are they talking about though? Jealous folks who understand nothing. You proceed. You even cut them off on the days you decide not to be merciful.
There Can be no Communication with a Fool: Hmm…Okay, you’re in it to win it right? But as the marriage continues, you realize that you can no longer communicate with this so-called spouse. You just try to enjoy the wealth, do your thing and just ignore him because you can’t just understand each other. You have nothing to say to each other. The foolishness has become real (verse 19). Now as a Christian wife that you are, you realize that all your tactics are failing seriously. I mean you are trying. You’re using all the advice and skills learnt from women’s meeting, Christian authors who saved their marriages and godly friends but your darling husband is immune to the word of God(it seems). He’s certainly not like the other men at all. He’s different and so you find it extremely difficult to obey God and submit to him. He doesn’t deserve it at all and so you dish out to him what he truly deserves – disrespect (I don’t blame you at all).You then become indifferent and suddenly realize that the force of stupidity with this one that you have married is strong and so you give up and resort to name calling and curses on the man that you ought to bless with your words(Verse 25).
The story ends with Nabal dying and Abigail marrying the true king. I continue to realize through God’s word that there is no end to God’s mercies. There is no end to God’s desperation and eagerness to save us. He is a wonderful parent. Sometimes, the lord may deliver you from the Nabalic pain in marriage either by helping your spouse get saved or just complete elimination like in her case(LOL. But don’t wait for that elimination part) but other times he delivers you before you enter the horror scene. For instance, you realize that God has somehow taken the fool in your life away(these days I don’t even bother to wonder how again), you just grow apart, he does one stupid thing, or you’re just simply fed up with each other and part in peace. I call it divine orchestration but whatever happens, he removes you from a Nabal and gives you the king that you ought to be with. A king who would make you so happy no one has to pity you but instead, your life becomes the reference when people speak of the blessings of God.
Finally, Nabal can also represent decisions in our lives that we got into without thinking, that has left us stuck in our mistakes and closed us to opportunities that are better for us. But God is faithful and will separate us from our mistakes. He will not allow us to be destroyed by it. He will take us out of the careless and dangerous decisions that we have made and set us on a rock, exposing us to better opportunities (Psalm 40:2).
(This also applies to the men. You can have women in your life that can be representations of Nabal).